Ma Barrows has died.

Ruth Barrows has been one of my adopted mothers for about 25 years. From almost the very first day it was "Ma". I can't remember ever calling her "Mrs. Barrows". There was never a moment when I did not feel like a member of the family.

That's what makes being stuck here in Florida sucks so much. I am waiting until I get my commission check to see if I can afford to go to the funeral this weekend. It would work out perfectly time-wise, being on the weekend. I'm just not sure if I can afford it financially. Harry keeps telling me to save my money for my planned Thanksgiving trip. It's just very hard for me. Times like this are when family is supposed to draw together and I feel so frustrated being within a days drive and still not being able to be there. It's not only to comfort the rest of the family but to pay the tribute and show respect for Ma. I've missed so many in my own family back home in Rhode Island. 9 hours and a couple of tank-fulls of gas should not keep me from something this important. OK, Harry does have a point; spending time with the remaining family will be just as important in November. I know that. I agree with that. I have such an ingrained feeling of responsibility to be there; it's hard to fight.

It's not that she was the best "Ma". Harry has had a "unique" relationship with her. She made it tough to love her at times. However, when I got off the phone with Harry I immediately grabbed a photo album and found some old pictures from "way back when". There were pictures of Ma dancing with some of our friends during a party for Harry just before he went into the Marines. She is in the pictures arm in arm with different kids. Smiles. Laughter. She seems as youthful and happy as the teenagers with her. That's how I'll remember her.

Love you, Ma.

I'll miss you.