Monday, October 20, 2008

If you are a Florida driver then you'll appreciate this post. If not, please bear with me while a rant.

What you are looking at is a Sandhill Crane. These little lovelies resemble shrunken ostriches and live close to the ocean. Unfortunate thing is, so do a lot of people. These birds are a protected species and there is a hefty fine for killing one. They usually meander along roadways and through parking lots in family groups. It is kinda cute when the babies come out for their first walkabout.

The annoying thing is that I think someone tipped off the birds that they are protected. While most birds would fly away from oncoming vehicles in an instinct driven reaction at even the slightest approach of a car, the Sandhill Crane adopts a snooty and self-righteous attitude if your car dares cross their path.

They seemingly slow down to a crawl. Each step slow and meticulous. Some of them even stop in mid stride, look you dead in the eye and just stare you down as if to say, "Yeah, that's right, asshole, I'm protected! Just go ahead and run me over; see where you end up!" And then, with the air of superiority, they continue step by agonizing step, taking their sweet time moving by the front of your vehicle like Superman at the Winchester testing range.



Another snooty bird in these parts is the Snowy Egret. Also protected and also possessing an attitude bigger than it's head, I had one of these little squabs first cross my path in the drive thru at a local burger joint. Not only did it slow me down from getting my grease on a bun while still hot the little bastard was able to make it across the parking lot in record time so it could block my way to the exit.

It just stood there, staring me down. I could see in its beady little eyes, "Stupid homo sapien!" I stared right back at him, reached into my bag o' lunch, pulled out a chicken nugget and bit into it tearing it in half.

He continued to stare at me, indifferent and cold, still saying "Endangered" and "Protected" with each deliberate step. But, damn, did that nugget taste better than usual!

3 comments:

Lauren said...

You know, I hate guns. I fear them actually. But I think I would put aside my fear and go Sandhill Crane hunting the day they lift restrictions on those stupid shitbirds.


Our neighborhood was built right between two awesome little swamps, and apparently they don't think that we deserve the land. Since we have moved in we have had to deal with little beaks poking at and tearing out the screen in windows, our tree sapling anchors being pulled out of the ground consistently, scratched vehicles, and gang fights in front of bedroom windows at dawn.

http://flickr.com/photos/laurgasms/sets/72157604502650691/
You are right about the cute little babies though!

(This is Lauren Egan, by the way.)

Unknown said...

My ex and I used to refer to them as "the assbags", as in "Those assbags are tearing up the yard again!"

thebonebreaker said...

hahahahahaha - I was laughing out loud, reading this one! :-)