I don’t know how the hell Julie has been able to do this but each time, in the year’s-plus time we have known each other, at the exact moment when I stop thinking about her…is the exact moment when she contacts me.

A few days ago she had left a message on my voice mail, “Hi, it’s been a while; can you guess whose voice this is?” Cute, huh?

I just sort of stared at the phone in amazement. Amazed that she had actually called and also amazed that I had trouble remembering all of the things I had wanted to say to her three months ago.

A few days later, I left a message on her phone; not really surprised that I didn’t get to talk with her immediately. All of my friends who I have told about this call have all had the same reaction.

“Stay the hell away from her!”

What do I expect out of talking with her again?

Part of me wants the vindication that comes with telling her all of the things I wanted to months ago. While I could go the really nasty route a few friends have suggested, “So…you need more money?”....”Finally found the phone number?”…”Looking for more DVD’s?”

I guess I am also looking for that elusive that all kinds of psychotherapy says we are need; closure. I can remember only one relationship that ever ended with something close to closure. It was back in high school when the girl I was dating and I looked at each other at the same moment and could see it in each others’ eyes that it was over. I don’t know who said it first, but we almost instantly and mutually agreed that we didn’t feel the same for each other any more and wanted to move on. It seemed the most adult and easy decision I had ever made. Added to that, the fact that we both were completely clear with each other on why and there were no lingering emotions; either good or bad.

I know life isn’t that clean and that answers never come that easy. You’ve got to almost feel sorry for Julie if we ever do talk because she’s going to get the brunt of 46 years of unrequited closure.

My first wife, the one I almost moved back to Rhode Island to marry, a few other recent girl friends, some old flames from high school and college….heck, even my father.

What do I plan on saying? Lots of what I had planned on saying months ago before she moved. I think its best summed up by the opener, “I want to be noble and say that I hope you’re happy; I just don’t think I can do that. I can say that I hope you’re happy with the choices you’ve made.”

Hey! I said you could almost feel sorry for her. Just remember…she left with my copy of “Shawshank”!