Monday, September 15, 2008

So...where have I been?

To Hell and back!

To give you the Readers Digest version; my car broke down, I had a financial meltdown, was without electric for a while, groveled to my sister for help and pissed her off, my aunt died, my friends have put this house back on the market and I got in trouble at work.

All within a three week period.

We call it Livin' La Vida Towaway.

And it's not just the big stuff; during this three week ride through the circles of hell there were little kicks in the nads along the way.

One night I decided to walk up to the local Chinese restaurant to get a meal. I waited for the sun to start going down so I wouldn't be as sweaty when I got there. As I walked along the darkest part of the side street a car came up behind me. I stepped aside to get off the road. Not seeing exactly where I was stepping I found the softest patch of sand, my foot twisted and I went down like a sack of wet cement. I just kind of laid there for a moment or two resigning myself to what had happened.

A few days later I decided to make the same walk. The entire day had been rather cool with clouds lurking around and a good, strong breeze. I, again, waited till later in the day so it would be cooler for my walk. The moment I stepped out of my neighborhood side street onto the main road the lurking clouds decided to unload their precipitation. Not just a light summer rain but a torrential, soaking Florida down pour. By the time I got to the store my clothes were plastered to my skin and my shoes squished with every step. I got what I needed and headed back out into the sheets of rain to walk back home. The moment I stepped off the main road and onto my neighborhood side street.....the rain stopped.

God has a mean sense of humor.

The topper was the night I borrow a large, super bright flashlight from my neighbor. With the flick of a button this would light even the biggest room in the house with no problem. I brought it onto the house and as soon as the sun went down I flicked the switch....and the bulb blew out.

Oh, there's more!

Later that night I couldn't sleep in the still warm and stuffy bedroom and headed out to the hammock which hung by the pool over the concrete patio; a good breeze promised a restful sleep. As soon as I settled in and put my head back on the pillow I started hearing a tearing sound. In the darkness I couldn't see exactly what it was but knew that the continued tearing sound would only end with me cracking my skull on the concrete under the hammock. Turns out, the hammock itself is intact but the lines that held the hammock to the post had started pulling apart. With the agility of the dancing hippos in "Fantasia" I was able to extract myself before injuring myself.

I am considering changing my name to Job.

There are some other things that went on during my recent absence and I will deal with those in subsequent posts. And don't feel guilty if you have been laughing at me while reading this post; I'm used to it by now. I've also discovered that it's only my real good friends that laugh at me.

3 comments:

thebonebreaker said...

Okay, I admit... I did chuckle a few times. (not AT you, of course - just the circumstances)

Having known you for, what, 15/16 years now, I guess that all of this just seems par for the course - sad, I know.

Positively thinking though, it can only get better from here! :-)

Red said...

ROFLMAO...at you, not with you. Hey, you bring us a container of detergent and we will call it even. The laughing at you is on the house.

*More commetns pending*

Anonymous said...

I keep telling you, I'm not laughing at you...I'm laughing with you!

And also thanking the gods for my walking disaster area I call my good friend....