Monday, November 13, 2006

OK, everyone who thought my saying something to "The Other Person" was a very bad idea go to the head of the class. Monday was not a good day.

After a long, tense silence, she send me a note. In it she simply said that she was in a very serious relationship which was nowhere near any possibility of ever changing and that she felt very uncomfortable. She asked for some time and distance and that I respect her wishes.

Am I sorry I did what I did? Yes and no.

Yes because it has adversely affected a fun friendship. The day was long, boring and quiet without the contact with her. The notes back and forth between us would almost always make me smile or laugh; she has a killer sense of humor at times as twisted as mine. I could also make her laugh; which always felt good. The silly things we did to break the monotony were a perfect protection from the grind of the day. And now it is silent.

I am not sorry because it is one less regret I have. I took a real and honest feeling I had and made sure the person knew. Like I said that day; for better or worse.

I begged with her (And am begging now as I know she reads this blog) to forget what I had told her; to dismiss it as a senior moment. As far as I am concerned it is a closed case. All I wanted to do was to let her know that I saw her as an ideal person and I still do. I was not looking to disrupt her current relationship just to be completely honest how I felt about her. There is no where for those feelings to go so they get put to the background and we go on.

I do hope that sometime in the near future we can return to being friends. First, I do hope she lets me know exactly how she feels. Right now, all I get is silence. We have talked about allot of different things over the past 6 months and I would think we could talk this over.

Is she pissed off at me? I she scared by me? Is she creeped out? Is she hurt by what I said? Did I betray a trust? I would like to think we can take all the emotions about this on both our sides, talk it out, get it over and done and then go back to being two slightly crazy people who try to pass the time at a mind numbing job.

OK, I'm done blogging just to one person. She asked that I respect giving her some space and I will.
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should always tell the people you care about how you feel. Life's too short to wallow in ambiguity.

Ofc James

10:19 AM
Anonymous said...

Better to have loved and lost, then never having loved at all...or something to that effect. That will come as no consolation when the "Other Person" is not talking to you. You did what you had to do and you are content with the fact that your conscience is cleared that you told her your feelings. She may view it in a different light.

She saw your relationship as one of being carefree and with no sttings attached. You saw it as something that had potential, even if it was waaay down the road. Now, once you confronted her, a whole new light was shed on the situation. Now there was an akwardness put into the ring. You did what any red blooded man would do, and that was to let your feelings be known and you are willing to let the chips fall where they may. She may not be so willing to do the same. Here is how I see this going, and there are variables within these scenarios.

1) She was knocked off balance, 100% by your approaching her, and she is now left with such a feeling of akwardness, that she does not know how to handle it, or chooses not to handle it right now for whatever reason. In her eyes she has been rattled to her core. She made need time to learn how to deal with this uneasy feeling, and she may never be comfortable with this feleing no matter how cordial, gentlemanly (cough) and polite you were when you brought her this information.

2) She needs a wee bit of time to adjust to the entire situation and will bounce back slowly but surely, in her own time and on her own terms. Time heals. That is not to say she was wounded, she was just taken off the beaten path. She may just need to time to re-adjust.

She may be thinking to herself right now. "Did I send any signals his way? Did I give off any vibes?" What women don't realize is that they can be sitting in a croker sack and a man will still be a man. It's the magnetism, no matter what. Women do not have to send off vibes or signals...men are men and women are women.

When you head hits the pillow you are happy that you are living with no regrets, but she may need some time. Some people have no problem living with regrets, because they are more scared of rejection, you are not. Kudos to men who throw caution to the wind and let their feelings be known. There are just a lot of women who are not prepared for that upfrontness. To each his own.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, you just may need to tweak how you reel them in, and what's wrong with finding a new game plan?

7:51 AM

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