There is no limit to how far I will go for a gag.

Fro years I have wanted to go to work on Halloween in full "Planet of the Apes" makeup and this was finally the year. I was able to find an inexpensive enough latex appliance and my friend, Bill, offered to make it work. I should have blown the additional $30 for the higher quality prosthetic but the result was, as you can see, very effective.

I was at Bill's apartment at 6AM to get to work. Actually, the work started the night before with my having to shave off my beard. It's been 7 years since I've shaved so it was a bit of a shock to see my face and two chins again. Underneath all the hair lay evidence of genetics. Staring back at me was my mothers face! The Cobb genes showed through or actually screamed as I looked at my bare face.



It took almost 90 minutes for Bill to apply the prosthetic, hair and makeup. The appliance allowed my perfect vision which kept me free to drive to work on my own. However, that part of the joke was lost as noone even looked my way as I stopped at lights and tried getting other drivers' attention.

I was the only one in the building to dress for the day. Yet another symptom of the life being sucked out of the employees. I walked around and showed off the people for a few minutes and then sat down to do my job. I actually took an order in makeup; the person on the other end of the phone had no idea and with the headset microphone fitting just inside the mouth of the appliance the call sounded no different.



While I had my mic shoved into my mask my corporate management had its head shoved up its ass as I was told I had to remove the makeup or go home. This is soooooo ridiculous. Costumes are no distraction to other workers and the patients have no idea what we are wearing on our end of the phone. Management is also missing an opportunity for a morale booster; maybe a costume contest...Hell, just something to show that we are alive and have a brain would be enough.

I was able to remove the mask and hair almost intact so that at the end of the day I was able to reapply it for the rest of the evening. I headed off to my friend Jason's to go Trick or Treating with his children and him. When his two year old saw me for the first time in full makeup she simply looked at me and without a moments' hesitation said, "Hi, Jack" as if there was nothing different about my appearance or that it seemed normal for me to look the way I did.

Children can be so honest sometimes.....almost too honest!

We walked around their neighborhood for about an hour just long enough before the bone spurs in my feet to begin bothering me. (More on that in another post). I would love to be able to use this appliance again but that would mean shaving again. As it is I have to shave for a least another week until my son can get to see me au natural.

I want my old face back!