Apparently, I'm gonna live!

Of course, the results were met with the usual response.

My friend, Sondra, from the health clinic at Shawshank called when the results came in, "I'm shocked and amazed!"

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"You numbers are perfect! You're in great condition. I never would have expected it!"

"Oh, you mean I only look like shit?!"

I still haven't followed up with my doctor but after going over them with the clinic staff and google'ing the numbers myself everything does look pretty much text book. Which is a great relief to me. My cholesterol is normal, I am not diabetic and my PSA numbers (the one I was really nervous about being my first test for this) were normal.

The reason I haven't seen my doctor yet is because he is waiting for the results from the heart monitor I had to wear for 24 hours. While it was annoying enough to have wires stuck to my chest and an over-sized tape recorded hung on my hip not to mention the joy of trying to sleep and not dislodge any of the wires and contact the real fun was removing the five glues on contacts.

I felt so sorry for the technician when I removed my shirt and she saw the contacts glues not only to my chest but the fur like chest hairs. If you've ever seen Robin Williams in "The Fisher King".....well, I could have been a body double for him! Knowing the pain it would inflict, the technician suggested I remove the contacts myself. Figuring the good, old fashioned band-aid-one-quick-tug-and-it's-over would work the best. The girl jumped each time I yanked a contact off with it's own little clump of hair attached.

It really wasn't that bad. I finally got the damned monitor off me but I was left with five little bald spots.